I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i spelled "betch" that way on purpose, don't question my abilities as a drunk texter
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
