She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes it was a bad idea
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
