Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Are you alive?
I googled "I don't want to vomit anymore," and "how to rip out your uvula," at 9 am this morning, but I'm still here. Uvula and all.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
