just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I am making it a rule that only people I am comfortable around enough to not have to put a bra on are allowed for Sunday funday. I think that's a good rule for someone who started drinking alone at noon while everyone else here sipped their coffee.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
