So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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