I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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