I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Randomize
