What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Randomize
