i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She needs sedatives and a leash
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
