i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
