well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
