My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
