Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Randomize
