U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
2 showers later and I'm still finding cum on random body parts of mine
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Randomize
