Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
Randomize
