There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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