if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
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