Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
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