We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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