Using pokemon references during sexual acts is always a good idea.
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Street performer on bourbon st just lifted a sewer top so I could puke down it. I love New Orleans.
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The laundromat is nothing like In the pornos
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
God I need to hump something, right now.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
