i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
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