Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
