perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
You made out with my dog and told me he tasted like a rainbow.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
I have to take a quiz before midnight. Trying to decided if its a better idea to take it now when I'm stoned or later when I'm drunk.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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