What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Dude so coolest charity idea ever, think aids walk but instead of miles you drink beers oh the possibilities
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
