Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
theres a note on the fridge that says "guess what i peed in" and a half-full bottle of apple juice front and center. why did you let him in the house?
Woke up with eyeliner streaked down my face, glitter all over my bed, and holding half-eaten Jimmy Johns. Plus, my whole family's downstairs for Thanksgiving... Welcome to the shitshow that is my early 20s
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I told him we could use my stove to make weed brownies, from that point on he kept reffering to me as "best pledge ever"
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
