Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
I knew she could be a good mother by the way she craddled three 40oz's.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
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