The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
Randomize
