Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
Randomize
