It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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