I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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