And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Randomize
