I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Randomize
