Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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