24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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