He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
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