tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Randomize
