Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
