i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
how in the hell can u get pulled over when ur car is parked.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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