Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Randomize
