We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
You wanna know what I want to eat? Questionable Mexican food before I go drink. Makes for excitement. Will I puke it up or shit my pants
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
