that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Randomize
