No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
i believe in u and ur pee
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
because he's a firefighter, wouldn't sleeping with him be like saying thank you to the community?
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