so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
im sorry, I just can't fuck a guy who can't receive picture messages
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
