I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
I wish Denzel Washington would coach my flip cup team..
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
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