Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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