I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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