just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
i just google imaged poop.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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