shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
Randomize
