walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Well, according to foursquare I checked in "@under the bushes" at 3:27am. This could explain some things.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Like seriously how stupid drunk do you have to get befor you start finding dolphin lighters and shit in your undergarments
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
