k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
HANDS OFF UNTIL AFTER I DO BUTT STUFF WITH HIM.
Randomize
